不設防是最好的保障

當我們採取防衛姿態、封閉自己，

不是因為：認為自己很糟、不想讓其他人發現自己真實的狀況，

就是：認為別人都很糟、不願讓他們有機會傷害自己。

無論是哪一種，採取防衛姿態就表示：

「我要把自己緊包成繭，別人就看不到我、知道我是怎樣的人，也不能傷害我。」

看看這是什麼樣的暗示...

我等於是同時指控世界上的每個人都要來傷害我！
這簡直是對他人能做的最強烈攻擊了，說：
「我必須得保護自己不受你們潛在的攻擊」

也就是說：「我宣佈你們全都有罪。」

我不知道你們要做出什麼好事，也不知道什麼時候發生。

但我腦內的審判官基本上預設：

「你們這些人全都是潛在的攻擊者，你們全都是潛在有罪的人，

所以在這糟透了的罪惡世界裡，我必須枕戈待旦、時時防備。」

可以想像其他人的反應會是什麼樣了，

這不是什麼友善的回應，他人的感受也不會多好。

因此練習對他人真心感興趣，其實是在向他人表達：

「和你在一起我感到很安全，

因為你在我眼中是純然無罪的，所以我無比安全。」

When we defend, we can either be blocking because we think we are so awful that we don’t want anybody to see what’s going on with us; or we gotta block because everybody else is so awful, we don’t want them to be able to come in to hurt us. It doesn’t matter which end of spectrum you come from, but having a defense that says: "I gotta lock myself as a cocoon, so that people won’t see me, know who I am, and attack me.” Look what the implications of that is! I accuse everybody in the world ahead of time of wanting to attack me! That is the biggest attack that we can ever ever make on someone else the walls, saying "I gotta save myself from your potential attack", saying "I pronounce all of you guilty ahead of time. I don’t know what you are gonna do, I don’t know when you are gonna do it", but my basic presumption from the tribunal in my head is “all of you people are potential attackers, all of you are potentially guilty, so I’ve gotta do the best I can do to maneuver in this completely guilt-ridden awful world.

Now talk about the response you gotta get from people, you aren’t gonna like the response, and you aren’t gonna like the way you feel. So that exercise about being interested in other people is all about the message that I wanna give other people: “I am safe in your presence. I am perfectly safe because I declare you perfectly innocent.”

(extracted from Carol Howl Master Class 6 video)