【今天，我不再傷害自己了】
"I will not hurt myself again today"
今天早上我們要討論的是練習手冊第 330 課：「今天，我不再傷害自己了」。我們不會實際探討這一課的內容，只會著重於標題與其涵義，以及如何運用於日常生活。這部課程最終並不在意你對它的理論瞭解得多麼透徹、剖析其形上之境時多麼頭頭是道，真正重要的是你如何活出它來、並運用於日常生活中再普通不過的種種實際情境：自己的身體經驗、與其他身體共處、運用身體、觀看新聞中的其他身體、處理一般人都會面臨的各類狀況等等。重點在於換一個方式來面對。
This morning we will talk about Lesson 330 from the workbook, "I will not hurt myself again today." I'm not going to actually talk about the lesson itself; I'm really just going to focus on the title and what the title means and how that could be helpful to us as we go through our day. You know, the bottom line with A Course in Miracles is that it doesn't matter how well you understand its theory, how well you could spout its metaphysics. What really matters is how you live it, and how you live it day in and day out and all the practical situations that everybody experiences; our experiences with our own body, living with bodies of others, working with bodies, looking at bodies on the news, dealing with all the kinds of situations that all normal people are confronted with, and the idea is to do it differently.
這一課指出...事實上就某個層面而言，整部課程都可視為對這一點的探討：我們渾然不覺自己是如何自我傷害的。課程所談論的，不是切麵包時劃破了手指、或碰觸炙熱的爐火時被燙傷等情況，而是說明：我們會傷了自己，全由於我們已選擇以「傷害」為師。傷害之師便是小我，它相信自己傷害了上主，以保我們周全；換言之，作為祂完美一體的一部份讓我們痛苦，為了確立與完美一體分裂，並成為獨立自主的特殊個體，就必須傷害上主。這便是「罪」的起源，我們因為與自己的天父及源頭分裂而戴罪。隨之而來的則是內疚：我對自己所做過的好事深感罪惡。出於自私自利之心，於是我犧牲了上主、將祂的愛子釘死於十字架，以保自己存活；接著又造出了一個與天堂、與上主之境全然相反的世界，以一具身體的個體身分存在其中，與所有其他身體分離、且有所不同。
And this lesson points out and, in fact, the whole Course really in a sense can be seen as commentary on this, that we are not aware how we hurt ourselves. And we're not talking about hurt ourselves—you know, cutting a finger when we're slicing a bagel or burning ourselves when we touch a hot stove or something. It's really talking about how we hurt ourselves by choosing the teacher of hurt. Because the teacher of hurt is the ego of course, and it believes that it hurt God so we would not be hurt. In other words, that it was hurting us to stay part of His perfect Oneness, and so in order to establish our separation from perfect Oneness and be an individual, and be unique, and be special, and be autonomous God had to be hurt and, of course, there's a word for that and that is "sin;" that we sinned against our Creator and our Source by separating from Him. And then, of course, that what closely follows from that is our guilt: I feel terribly guilty because of what I've done. At pure selfishness and self-interest, I sacrificed God, I crucified His Son so I could exist, and then I made up a world the opposite of Heaven, of God's world, in which I exist as a clear individual, as a body separate and distinct from all other bodies.
我們不可能不感到罪咎，也不可能沒有罪咎，因它已織入了我們的 DNA，是構成我們形下 (existence) 身分的原料；而愛則是構成我們形上 (being) 的原料。課程以「形下」和「形上」作為對比，靈性是形上的狀態，而形下則是小我的狀態。我們選擇了形下原料的罪咎，而不是形上原料的愛，因此在這個世界以身體的形式存在，便不可能不感到罪咎。由於罪咎會呼求懲罰，我們便如此傷害了自己。
It is impossible then not to feel guilty and to have—and this guilt is woven into our DNA; it's part of the very fabric of our existence, just as love is (to just use the same term), love is the fabric of our being. The Course contrasts "being" and "existence;" spirit is the state of being and existence is the state of the ego. That rather than have the very fabric of our being be love, the very fabric of our existence is guilt, and it's impossible to be in this world as a body without feeling guilt. This is how we hurt ourselves because guilt demands punishment.
因此耶穌在第 27 章中說：「在你認為帶給你痛苦的所有原因中，你從不把自己的罪咎算在內」(T-27.VII.7:4)。我們受苦的原因是罪咎──更確切的說，是由於心靈選擇了罪咎。既然罪咎不存在，不存在的事物豈可能造成任何痛苦？無論是物質層面的痛苦、心理層面的痛苦或兩者兼具，相信自己有罪的信念才是痛苦的原因。
So we're told in Chapter 27 that of all the many causes of our suffering we never thought guilt was among them. Guilt is the cause of our suffering, and even more to the point it's the mind's decision for guilt that's the cause of our suffering, because since guilt is non-existent, how could what doesn't exist cause any pain? It's our belief that we are guilty; that's the cause of our pain, whether we're talking about physical pain or psychological pain or, of course, both.
可以說，「今天我不再傷害自己了」，即是認清了我傷害自己的程度有多深。在實際層面上，這又代表什麼呢？若產生罪咎的原因是我相信了自己已和源頭分裂，這個信念便會反映於我在世界的生活，因此我在這世界的罪咎來源 (即罪咎本源的陰影) 便是我與其他弟兄的分裂。我又是如何與其他弟兄分裂的呢？藉由判斷他們。我利用他們來滿足我的匱乏，因而依賴他們，這便是課程所說的特殊之愛；或者我利用他們來滿足我擺脫罪惡感的渴望，因而厭惡他們，這便是課程所說的特殊之恨。特殊之恨是針對他人對我做的事，我悲傷、憤怒及不幸之念所歸咎的對象，特殊之愛則發生於世界及他人提供我自認想要之物時。然而在兩種情況中，我們都將弟兄視為有別於自己；這即是傷害之處，也是我們痛苦的來源。
So to say, "I will not hurt myself again today" is to be aware of how much I do hurt myself. And what does this mean on a practical level? Well, if the cause of my guilt is my belief I separated from my Source and that belief gets reflected in my life here in the world then I—then the source of my guilt here in this world, which is the shadow of my ontological guilt, is that I'm separating from other people. And how do I separate from other people? I judge them; I use them as a means to service my own neediness. That's what the Course calls special love, and then I become dependent on them. Or I use them to serve my neediness of getting rid of my guilt, so I hate them; that's what the Course talks about special hate and special love. Special hate are all the objects of our grievances, of our anger, of our unhappy thoughts that we attribute to what other people do to us, and special love being when the world and people in the world give us what we think we want. But in or—in both of these conditions (special love and special hate) we're seeing other people as different from us; that's the hurt. That's the source of our pain.
分裂或分裂的信念會生出罪惡感，因而成為我們痛苦的來源。一旦我們認清這點，便會說「今天，我不再傷害自己了」。這意味著不再選擇「傷害之師」的小我並聽從其教導：若我攻擊他人、批判他人、大發雷霆而讓他人同意自己、認為自己的福祉不同於他人，便能過得更好。其實我已擁有我所奪取的。我想奪走你的清白無罪，讓你感到內疚就是我奪走它的方式，因此我攻擊你、批判你、逼迫你同意我。
Separation or the belief in separation is the source of our pain because that's what leads to our guilt. Once we're clear about that, then to say, "I will not hurt myself again today" means I will not choose my ego—the teacher of hurt—and listen to its guidance that tells me I am better off when I attack other people, when I judge other people, when I can get good and angry at other people and then get everybody else to agree with me, when I say my interests are separate and apart from someone else's; I have what I have taken. I want your innocence and I take it by making you feel guilty, and attack you and judge you and again, get other people to agree with me.
我們可以說，第 330 課「今天，我不再傷害自己了」就代表著我對自己的承諾：從早上醒來到晚上就寢的這段時間，我將會選擇以愛為師，而非以傷害為師；選擇以治癒為師，而非以痛苦為師。這表示我得承認：自己對他人的判斷、「認為他人及其福祉與我不同」的念頭，就是我痛苦、抑鬱、焦慮、不幸福及不舒服的來源。若要真正感受到上主的平安 (意即渴望上主的平安)，我必須自願放棄判斷。這就是請求聖靈或耶穌協助的意義，我將我的判斷帶到祂們跟前，讓祂們提醒我：那不是我想要的，因為它會傷害我；今天我便要重新選擇，不再傷害自己。
So to say Lesson 330 and mean it, "I will not hurt myself again today," is a promise I make to myself from the moment I wake up to the time I go to bed at night, that I will choose the Teacher of Love, not the teacher of hurt, that I will choose the Teacher of healing, not the teacher of pain. And that means I must recognize that my judgments of other people, seeing them as different from me, seeing their interests as a part from me is the source of my unhappiness, of my depression, of my anxiety, of my general unhappiness and senses of malaise. And to truly feel the peace of God, which means I want that peace of God, means I must be willing to give up my judgment. So that's what it means to ask the Holy Spirit or Jesus for help, and I go to them with my judgments and have them remind me that that is not what I want because it hurts me, and today I choose not to hurt myself again.
摘要：
我們跟錯老師，自認與上主分裂 ，心生罪咎
此信念反映於物質世界，變成自認與弟兄分裂
因此我們判斷弟兄，鞏固這個信念
從而生出內疚，感到痛苦
這個狀況就是傷害自己
化解這個窘境的方式
則是請另一位老師協助我們看清真相、放棄判斷
既認出未與弟兄分裂，便相信未與上主分裂
於是在平安中寬恕了夢境
