【肯恩影片】今天，我不再傷害自己了

【今天，我不再傷害自己了】

"I will not hurt myself again today"

今天早上我們要討論的是練習手冊第 330 課：「今天，我不再傷害自己了」。我們不會實際探討這一課的內容，只會著重於標題與其涵義，以及如何運用於日常生活。這部課程最終並不在意你對它的理論瞭解得多麼透徹、剖析其形上之境時多麼頭頭是道，真正重要的是你如何活出它來、並運用於日常生活中再普通不過的種種實際情境：自己的身體經驗、與其他身體共處、運用身體、觀看新聞中的其他身體、處理一般人都會面臨的各類狀況等等。重點在於換一個方式來面對。

This morning we will talk about Lesson 330 from the workbook, "I will not hurt myself again today." I'm not going to actually talk about the lesson itself; I'm really just going to focus on the title and what the title means and how that could be helpful to us as we go through our day. You know, the bottom line with A Course in Miracles is that it doesn't matter how well you understand its theory, how well you could spout its metaphysics. What really matters is how you live it, and how you live it day in and day out and all the practical situations that everybody experiences; our experiences with our own body, living with bodies of others, working with bodies, looking at bodies on the news, dealing with all the kinds of situations that all normal people are confronted with, and the idea is to do it differently.

這一課指出...事實上就某個層面而言，整部課程都可視為對這一點的探討：我們渾然不覺自己是如何自我傷害的。課程所談論的，不是切麵包時劃破了手指、或碰觸炙熱的爐火時被燙傷等情況，而是說明：我們會傷了自己，全由於我們已選擇以「傷害」為師。傷害之師便是小我，它相信自己傷害了上主，以保我們周全；換言之，作為祂完美一體的一部份讓我們痛苦，為了確立與完美一體分裂，並成為獨立自主的特殊個體，就必須傷害上主。這便是「罪」的起源，我們因為與自己的天父及源頭分裂而戴罪。隨之而來的則是內疚：我對自己所做過的好事深感罪惡。出於自私自利之心，於是我犧牲了上主、將祂的愛子釘死於十字架，以保自己存活；接著又造出了一個與天堂、與上主之境全然相反的世界，以一具身體的個體身分存在其中，與所有其他身體分離、且有所不同。

And this lesson points out and, in fact, the whole Course really in a sense can be seen as commentary on this, that we are not aware how we hurt ourselves. And we're not talking about hurt ourselves—you know, cutting a finger when we're slicing a bagel or burning ourselves when we touch a hot stove or something. It's really talking about how we hurt ourselves by choosing the teacher of hurt. Because the teacher of hurt is the ego of course, and it believes that it hurt God so we would not be hurt. In other words, that it was hurting us to stay part of His perfect Oneness, and so in order to establish our separation from perfect Oneness and be an individual, and be unique, and be special, and be autonomous God had to be hurt and, of course, there's a word for that and that is "sin;" that we sinned against our Creator and our Source by separating from Him. And then, of course, that what closely follows from that is our guilt: I feel terribly guilty because of what I've done. At pure selfishness and self-interest, I sacrificed God, I crucified His Son so I could exist, and then I made up a world the opposite of Heaven, of God's world, in which I exist as a clear individual, as a body separate and distinct from all other bodies.

我們不可能不感到罪咎，也不可能沒有罪咎，因它已織入了我們的 DNA，是構成我們形下 (existence) 身分的原料；而愛則是構成我們形上 (being) 的原料。課程以「形下」和「形上」作為對比，靈性是形上的狀態，而形下則是小我的狀態。我們選擇了形下原料的罪咎，而不是形上原料的愛，因此在這個世界以身體的形式存在，便不可能不感到罪咎。由於罪咎會呼求懲罰，我們便如此傷害了自己。

It is impossible then not to feel guilty and to have—and this guilt is woven into our DNA; it's part of the very fabric of our existence, just as love is (to just use the same term), love is the fabric of our being. The Course contrasts "being" and "existence;" spirit is the state of being and existence is the state of the ego. That rather than have the very fabric of our being be love, the very fabric of our existence is guilt, and it's impossible to be in this world as a body without feeling guilt. This is how we hurt ourselves because guilt demands punishment.

因此耶穌在第 27 章中說：「在你認為帶給你痛苦的所有原因中，你從不把自己的罪咎算在內」(T-27.VII.7:4)。我們受苦的原因是罪咎──更確切的說，是由於心靈選擇了罪咎。既然罪咎不存在，不存在的事物豈可能造成任何痛苦？無論是物質層面的痛苦、心理層面的痛苦或兩者兼具，相信自己有罪的信念才是痛苦的原因。

So we're told in Chapter 27 that of all the many causes of our suffering we never thought guilt was among them. Guilt is the cause of our suffering, and even more to the point it's the mind's decision for guilt that's the cause of our suffering, because since guilt is non-existent, how could what doesn't exist cause any pain? It's our belief that we are guilty; that's the cause of our pain, whether we're talking about physical pain or psychological pain or, of course, both.

可以說，「今天我不再傷害自己了」，即是認清了我傷害自己的程度有多深。在實際層面上，這又代表什麼呢？若產生罪咎的原因是我相信了自己已和源頭分裂，這個信念便會反映於我在世界的生活，因此我在這世界的罪咎來源 (即罪咎本源的陰影) 便是我與其他弟兄的分裂。我又是如何與其他弟兄分裂的呢？藉由判斷他們。我利用他們來滿足我的匱乏，因而依賴他們，這便是課程所說的特殊之愛；或者我利用他們來滿足我擺脫罪惡感的渴望，因而厭惡他們，這便是課程所說的特殊之恨。特殊之恨是針對他人對我做的事，我悲傷、憤怒及不幸之念所歸咎的對象，特殊之愛則發生於世界及他人提供我自認想要之物時。然而在兩種情況中，我們都將弟兄視為有別於自己；這即是傷害之處，也是我們痛苦的來源。

So to say, "I will not hurt myself again today" is to be aware of how much I do hurt myself. And what does this mean on a practical level? Well, if the cause of my guilt is my belief I separated from my Source and that belief gets reflected in my life here in the world then I—then the source of my guilt here in this world, which is the shadow of my ontological guilt, is that I'm separating from other people. And how do I separate from other people? I judge them; I use them as a means to service my own neediness. That's what the Course calls special love, and then I become dependent on them. Or I use them to serve my neediness of getting rid of my guilt, so I hate them; that's what the Course talks about special hate and special love. Special hate are all the objects of our grievances, of our anger, of our unhappy thoughts that we attribute to what other people do to us, and special love being when the world and people in the world give us what we think we want. But in or—in both of these conditions (special love and special hate) we're seeing other people as different from us; that's the hurt. That's the source of our pain.

分裂或分裂的信念會生出罪惡感，因而成為我們痛苦的來源。一旦我們認清這點，便會說「今天，我不再傷害自己了」。這意味著不再選擇「傷害之師」的小我並聽從其教導：若我攻擊他人、批判他人、大發雷霆而讓他人同意自己、認為自己的福祉不同於他人，便能過得更好。其實我已擁有我所奪取的。我想奪走你的清白無罪，讓你感到內疚就是我奪走它的方式，因此我攻擊你、批判你、逼迫你同意我。

Separation or the belief in separation is the source of our pain because that's what leads to our guilt. Once we're clear about that, then to say, "I will not hurt myself again today" means I will not choose my ego—the teacher of hurt—and listen to its guidance that tells me I am better off when I attack other people, when I judge other people, when I can get good and angry at other people and then get everybody else to agree with me, when I say my interests are separate and apart from someone else's; I have what I have taken. I want your innocence and I take it by making you feel guilty, and attack you and judge you and again, get other people to agree with me.

我們可以說，第 330 課「今天，我不再傷害自己了」就代表著我對自己的承諾：從早上醒來到晚上就寢的這段時間，我將會選擇以愛為師，而非以傷害為師；選擇以治癒為師，而非以痛苦為師。這表示我得承認：自己對他人的判斷、「認為他人及其福祉與我不同」的念頭，就是我痛苦、抑鬱、焦慮、不幸福及不舒服的來源。若要真正感受到上主的平安 (意即渴望上主的平安)，我必須自願放棄判斷。這就是請求聖靈或耶穌協助的意義，我將我的判斷帶到祂們跟前，讓祂們提醒我：那不是我想要的，因為它會傷害我；今天我便要重新選擇，不再傷害自己。

So to say Lesson 330 and mean it, "I will not hurt myself again today," is a promise I make to myself from the moment I wake up to the time I go to bed at night, that I will choose the Teacher of Love, not the teacher of hurt, that I will choose the Teacher of healing, not the teacher of pain. And that means I must recognize that my judgments of other people, seeing them as different from me, seeing their interests as a part from me is the source of my unhappiness, of my depression, of my anxiety, of my general unhappiness and senses of malaise. And to truly feel the peace of God, which means I want that peace of God, means I must be willing to give up my judgment. So that's what it means to ask the Holy Spirit or Jesus for help, and I go to them with my judgments and have them remind me that that is not what I want because it hurts me, and today I choose not to hurt myself again.


摘要：

我們跟錯老師，自認與上主分裂 ，心生罪咎
此信念反映於物質世界，變成自認與弟兄分裂
因此我們判斷弟兄，鞏固這個信念
從而生出內疚，感到痛苦
這個狀況就是傷害自己

化解這個窘境的方式
則是請另一位老師協助我們看清真相、放棄判斷
既認出未與弟兄分裂，便相信未與上主分裂
於是在平安中寬恕了夢境

聖靈是什麼？

課程中對聖靈的種種描述，原讓我既困惑又想望，
食衣住行大小事務皆可諮詢建議，好像是個高級守護靈一樣。

真是如此嗎？
形而上之境，除非以象徵的形式來比擬，
否則對已信了分裂的我們來說，是無從想像的。
因此無論是上主、小我還是聖靈，
都不會真的是任何類人的形態，能說能唱，
而可能更接近一種心念或狀態。

聖靈究竟是什麼，
既非我能判斷，或許也不是非常重要。
但現在我願將聖靈看成一個正念、一個愛的念頭，
一個充滿愛心的可能性。
如此，也免除了我對「耶穌」的種種投射，
既渴望祂的關愛眷顧、又懼怕祂的神聖光環。
相反地，小我也不再是具有恐怖力量的魔鬼，
而僅是個沒有愛心的念頭。
我似乎稍微更願意重新選擇，
也更能寬和地看待自己的錯誤選擇。

說到底，世間的種種形式不都也是象徵嗎？
眼見的一切都呼應著生出世界的那一念。
只是，還有另一個全然不同的可能性，
永遠都在那兒，靜靜的，
直到我們視它為一個選項為止。
那時它便能透過我們進入形式，
與小我之念化作形式的方式完全相同。

這個愛的念頭，
有時好似讓我感到如摯愛兄長或朋友的陪伴與接納，
但我不再輕易以崇敬的眼光來看它了。

【肯恩影片】砍柴挑水日日道

【砍柴挑水日日道】

"Chop Wood, Carry Water"

今天早上我們要討論一句諺語：「砍柴挑水日日道」(Chop wood, carry water) (註1)，我想這是來自佛教傳統的一句東方諺語。一位靈修者向上師問道：「我應如何精進修為，才能開悟呢？」上師回答：「砍柴、挑水」。也就是說，日常的工作必須得做，沒有任何事是無關靈性、且不配你去做的；靈修的進展，便發生在我們每日與這世界的互動中。而這與課程的概念也不謀而合。

We're going to speak this morning about the phrase "Chop wood, carry water." This comes from the east...I think it is a Buddhist tradition. And the story typically goes that a spiritual aspirant goes to the guru and asks "How can I advance and become enlightened?" and the guru answers "Chop wood, carry water." Meaning you have to do the daily work and that there's nothing behavioral that is beneath you, that is non-spiritual...that it's in our daily interactions with our world that our spiritual advancement occurs, and the Course would certainly concur.

我經常喜歡提起第 193 課結尾的一句話：上主會親自踏出最後的一步。不要拒絕祂要你為祂所踏出的每一小步；第 161 課也談到，只要看見這一點我們便受用不盡。課程的諸多片段中皆亦提及，若真心渴望從夢中醒覺，解除與小我的認同，並否認罪真實存在 (正面的否認)，我們就必須去做這些日常的工作：監看心靈、警覺小我的所有念頭，並意識到自己的抗拒，認清自己是多麼不願寬恕、放棄判斷。同時，也須避免：「昨天耶穌告訴我如此這般」、「我經歷了上主的啟示，聽見祂對我說話」、「我體驗到何等美妙的光與愛」此類冠冕堂皇的靈性光環。這些體驗不是不真實可靠，而是很可能對你有所不利，使你在靈性的道路上誤入歧途。

There's a line I frequently like to refer to that comes at the end of Lesson 193 that says God will take the final step Himself. Do not deny Him the little steps He asks you take to Him. Lesson 161 speaks about how we see a little to learn a lot. And what this refers to, as well as many, many other passages in the Course, is that if we truly want to awaken from the dream and undo our identification with the ego and deny the reality of guilt (denial in a positive sense), then we have to do our daily work of monitoring our mind, being vigilant for all of our ego thoughts, for being aware of our resistance...how much we don't want to forgive, how much we don't want to let go of judgments. And to avoid all of the kind of highfalutin spiritual stuff that people get caught in...Jesus told me this yesterday, I had this revelation and God spoke to me, I had this wonderful experience of light, and on, and on, and on. Not that any of these experiences are necessarily not valid or not authentic, but they can be really detriments and can really derail you on your spiritual journey.

你所要做的，就是砍柴及挑水這樣的日常工作。你要留意，在高速公路上駕駛時自己是多麼批判他人、餐廳中的服務員不照你的期待行事時是多麼容易生氣、家中或工作事務不順時，自己有多焦躁；留意你多快便失了平安，又歸咎於自己身外的種種理由。這些都是日常工作的內容，在每一天、甚至每分每秒警覺自己的小我，不要對耶穌告訴海倫的各種情況 (正文前段) 得過且過，隨時隨刻勿輕縱心靈神遊。

What you want to work with is that you want to chop wood and carry water. You want to notice how judgmental you are of people who drive on the highway or freeway. You want to notice how easily irritated you get if a waiter or a waitress at your restaurant doesn't act the way you think he or she should act. How annoyed you get when things don't go quite right at home or at work. And how quickly you lose your peace and attribute that loss of peace to factors external to you. It's in the daily working...it's in the day in and day out, minute by minute, even second by second, vigilance for your ego and not tolerating any of what Jesus told Helen early on in the text...not tolerating any of your mind wanderings.

神遊，也就是讓心靈從自家出走至世界。換言之，就是投射。我們經常將痛苦與疾病歸咎於自身以外的種種理由，而忽視心煩意亂的真正原因是自己選錯了老師。我的心靈早已選擇了小我，而不是耶穌或聖靈。這才是痛苦的唯一源頭；也是重新選擇對的老師之後，幸福平安的唯一源頭。然而，能幫助我們找到心靈內抉擇者的，便是砍柴與挑水的工夫。不要因世人推崇，就隨之起舞、大做文章。在未下基本工以前，別試著去成為一位偉大的靈性導師或心靈療癒大師。

Mind wanderings refers to when we let our minds wander from themselves out into the world. In other words, it's projection. And we kind of attribute all of our distress or disease to factors outside of ourselves...ignoring the fact that if I'm not happy, if I'm upset, it's only because I chose the wrong teacher. My mind chose the ego instead of Jesus or the Holy Spirit. That is always and only what is the source of our distress or the source of our happiness and peace when we make a different choice and choose the right teacher. But what helps us to do that...what helps us to get in touch with the decision-making part of our mind is to chop wood and carry water. Don't make a big deal about what the world calls a big deal. Don't try to become a great spiritual teacher, or a great spiritual healer without doing the basic work.

我還記得在課程發行的那段時間，甚至打從一開始，許多人往往在尚未閱讀課程前便開始教導課程。或者，可能讀過一兩次就開始教導，但卻未曾操練過基本的功課：透過寬恕他人的過程學習寬恕小我、並認清自己對判斷與特殊性投注了多少心力作為生活方式與身分認同，而不是將這一切視為防衛措施...心靈選擇了這樣的防衛措施來抵制我們想起自己的真實身分。

I am reminded how often in the history of the Course's publication...since the publication...even right from the beginning, people would start teaching the Course without having even read it. Or maybe reading it once or twice and then teaching it without doing the basic work of learning to forgive one's ego through the process of forgiving other people...of recognizing our tremendous investment in judgment and specialness as a way of life and our means of identification rather than see this as all a defense. It's a defense my mind is choosing against remembering the reality of who I really am.

我經常說，你若期盼成為偉大的鋼琴演奏家，也不可能才拿了貝多芬、蕭邦或巴哈琴譜便行雲流水地彈奏。你必須練習。腳踏實地練習、學習，操練日常的工夫；直到某一刻，你已然成為了演奏家。在紐約有個知名的故事，某人問了另一個人到卡內基音樂廳的路怎麼走，回答是：「練習、練習，再練習」。同樣的，由夢中醒覺回到天鄉的路該怎麼走？練習、練習，再練習。你得砍柴、得挑水；在些微不悅與勃然大怒之際監看心靈；寬恕重要的特殊關係，也寬恕點頭之交 (如教師手冊中所提到的第一層教學次第)...包括服飾店的店員、或曾不小心相撞過的路人這類一面之緣。

I frequently will tell people that if you have aspirations of being a great concert pianist, then you just can't pick up Beethoven, Chopin, or Bach and start playing it. You have to practice. You have to practice exercises and you have to study and you have to do the day in and day out work, which at one point might end up with you becoming a concert pianist. There's a famous story that takes place in New York city, someone asks someone how do you get to Carnegie Hall and the answer is practice, practice, practice. And so, how do you awaken from the dream and return Home to God...you practice, you practice, you practice. You chop wood and you carry water. You monitor your mind for the little upsets as well as the major upsets. You not only have to forgive the kind of life-long special relationships, but you have to forgive the casual acquaintances that you have, what early on in the manual Jesus refers to as the first level of teaching. People that we just meet once or twice...someone who sells us a shirt, or someone who bumps into us once.

簡言之，由於這裡的一切皆為幻相，凡事始於心靈、也終於心靈，無論我們投射什麼出去，必定是罪疚 (因心靈選錯老師而生) 的某個層面。因此無論事大事小、重要與否，皆可為己所用。每件事都是讓我們學習寬恕的機會，以成為回家道途的一顆鋪路石。

In other words, since everything out here is an illusion and everything begins and ends in our minds, no matter what we project out will always be some aspect of our guilt that comes from the mind's decision, again, for the wrong teacher. So big or small...significant or insignificant...everything is grist for the mill. And everything is an opportunity for us to learn how to forgive so we can indeed return Home.

註1：「開悟之前，砍柴挑水；開悟之後，砍柴挑水。」(Before Enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After Enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.)

利益

看新聞的時候常常很容易血壓上升，
看到政客自私自利行事，完全不顧人民利益的樣子，
真想拿把槍把某些人給轟了。
肯尼斯在金錢章節中提到「如果不以共同利益為出發點便會內咎」，
...為什麼別人罔顧共同利益時，我還要考慮他的利益？
寬恕感覺上根本是犧牲

不過，政治本來就是小我的舞台，
我到底在期待其中有什麼公平正義美德大愛啊？
原來我氣的不是政客的自私，而是那明目張膽的吃相
既然你都大喇喇暴露這不可告人的祕密，
那我的極力掩飾又算什麼？

再說，既然我的批判念頭也罔顧我們的共同利益，
也就是說我有多想拿槍把他轟了，其實表示有多想把自己給轟了？
(好吧內咎就是這個意思)
這個暴力念頭令我害怕，
所以其實我不僅害怕看到內在自私的那一面，
也害怕看到自己暴力的那一面，
而這些人輕易就讓我無辜的自我形象破功了...

看來我還是很不想接受自己小我的樣子