God

God is the light in which I see.
God is the Mind with which I think.
God is the Love in which I forgive.
God is the strength in which I trust.

God walks with me wherever I go.
His Voice speaks to me all through the day.

And thus, there is nothing to fear.
Because I am sustained by the Love of God.

劃地自限

如果去愛被自己排拒於外的那群人又如何？
會被瞧不起？沒有原則？
你是為了自己的特殊身份拒絕弟兄，還把罪過推給世界。

不願意敞開心去愛和自己「不同」的人，是理所當然的。
但若你不看出你們的相同，甚至原是同一個心靈，
大家就會一起沉淪痛苦。

自恃甚高可以讓你得到什麼？
除了驕傲及孤獨以外沒有別的。
誰會因為你和他們和睦相處而貶低你？
除了你以外還會有誰？

你劃地自限，把他們貶低為不值得你愛心的一群人，而抬高自己的特殊價值。
也因此把自己的心劃破了一地。
其實你根本無須如此。

你的幻覺比別人的更好？還是更壞？
以為世界比自己愚昧、邪惡，每個弟兄內在的智慧有高低之分？
以為自己比別人清醒？還是在做一個自己比別人清醒的夢？

幻相沒有層次之別。
不是完全清醒，就是依然在夢中昏沉。

厭世

這世界沒有任何我要的東西。

曾經以為想要的，都不是我的救恩。
沒 有 任 何 一 個 是。

這豈能不厭世？

現在只能浸泡在這個感受中，像漬醬瓜一樣。
看會怎樣。

條條大路通羅馬

以前曾以為，聆聽聖靈後祂會告訴我：
去哪裡是對的、做什麼是好的、說什麼沒錯，
而一直活在「不確定自己是否靈性正確」的茫然裡。

其實祂根本不會教我是非判斷，
因那正是我拿來懲罰自己的手段。

正因如此，
無論我去哪、做啥、說什麼，都不可能是錯的。
聖靈的計劃已經寫定，
因為無論怎麼走，每一條路都通往寬恕。

一切形式皆不重要，願意學習的人終將認出：
時時都是最適合自己的教室。

在任何情境下，只有唯一一課好學：
「我要平安，還是定罪？我要天堂，還是地獄？」

腦內的斷捨離

如果對每個飄過腦中的念頭都問一句：

「這是真的嗎？我可以百分之百確定它絕對是真的嗎？」

才發現，原來我根本不能肯定這世界萬物的真實性。

例如：「這個天空是真的嗎？」

然後：「肉眼看到的東西真實存在嗎？」

我都無法肯定回答。

一直以來我們都只是純粹相信著這些無法肯定的事情。

甚至是腦中的各種座右銘、道德信念：

「不得遲到」、「人生沒有結婚生子便不圓滿」

「天下沒有白吃的午餐」、「偷拐搶騙有罪」....

爸媽告訴我們、學校教我們，或從影視書籍看到，

這些信念就如同指令一般輸入腦海，

看似一切真實不虛，因此我們天真的小腦袋也鮮少質疑。

當我們相信了這些念頭，便排除了反面的其他可能性，

過去與未來的真實性也變得不可動搖。

任何事件的當下，這些信念會先聲奪人，告訴我們應該如何行動。

即使與內在的聲音有所衝突、疑惑苦惱，

因為認定了它們就是自我價值，我們不得不前後一致，

持續讓信念凌駕於當下的直覺感受。

因為，「我」其實就是這些信念的總和而已。

沒有了它們，「我」會死。

因此相信這些信念時，我便是極端殘暴的，
擋在它們面前的人必定要釘上十字架不可。

在化解的過程中，一定會問：

「究竟還有什麼能相信的？」

沒有。

因為真理不需要我們的相信。

抱著質問的心態去看每一個舊有概念，

便會發現原來「愛」、「平安」、「仁慈」的品質，

我們可能一丁點都不瞭解，甚或恐懼，

所以才會把它扭成自己所知道的那個樣子。

挖不下去的時候，只要問自己：

我到底要什麼？

是原本這虛假且不可能幸福的世界觀？

還是一個完全未知的真理？

帶著愛說不

我從未學習到「帶著愛說不」是怎麼一回事。

對我來說，說「不」或拒絕別人有時等同於傷害對方，
因運而生的內疚也讓我難以承受。

說「不」等於傷害對方。
這是真的嗎？

如果把這個念頭反轉過來：
・說「是」等於傷害對方 — 欺騙
・說「是」等於自我傷害 — 犧牲
・不說「不」等於傷害對方 — 冷處理更傷人
・不說「不」等於自我傷害 — 內疚
・說「不」不等於傷害對方 — 只是表達自己

這些情況似乎都更接近真實。

由於在恐懼與不知所措之下，
無論是犧牲妥協、配合大局，或者間接、委婉的冷處理，
反而對雙方都造成更大的波瀾。

真正造成傷害的是我不尊重自己的心，
同時又做了違背自性的事：
以恐懼回應，而不是愛。

我從未想過有可能帶著愛說不。
若在平安的心境下說不，便能明晰而仁慈，
對方依然能感受到連結與支持，因此說什麼都不再是重點。
人與人之間的互動，終究只是為了尋求那底下的愛而已。

最重要的是，因為我為自己選擇了愛的情境，
不管對方的反應如何，都能以一顆寧靜的心來看待了。

Poem to Hitler (Bert Hellinger)

Hitler,

I look upon you as a human being
Just like me,
With a father, with a mother,
And with a definite destiny.

Are you therefore superior to me?
Or are you inferior?

Are you better than me
or worse than me?

If you are superior, then so am I.
If you are inferior, then so am I.
If you are better than me or worse,
Then I am that, too.

For I am a human being just like you.
If I were to respect you, then I respect myself.
If I detest you, then I detest myself.

Dare I love you?
Am I obliged to love you?
Because if I don't,
Then how could I be allowed
To love myself?

If I acknowledge that you were human,
Just like me,
Then I must look at something
That created both of us ---

Equally ---
Something that created you as well as me ---
Something that even determines
How we are both destroyed.

How could I possibly exclude myself
From our common ultimate source ---
All the while I am excluding you?

How could I ever blame this ultimate cause
And raise myself so far above it
As long as I am blaming you?

Yet I dare not pity you.

The ultimate cause of your rise and fall
Is no different from mine.

I honor it in you
As I honor it in myself,
And I surrender to everything
It has created in you ---

And to everything it has created in me ---
As well as to all it has created
In every other human being.

- Bert Hellinger《Gottesgedanken》p.247
　(Translated by Thomas Mellett)

愛內沒有怨尤

Love is what you are already. Love doesn't seek anything. It's already complete. It doesn't want. It doesn't need. Has no "shoulds". It already has everything that it wants. It already is everything it wants, just the way it wants it.

So when I heard people said that they love someone and want to be loved in return, I know they are not talking about love. They are talking about something else. Sometimes you may seem to trade love for the stressful thought appearing in the moment. It is a little trip out into illusion. Seeking love is how you lose the awareness of love. But you can only lose the awareness of it, not the state. That's not an option. Because love is what we all are. That's immovable.

When you investigate your stressful thinking, and your mind becomes clear. Love pours into your life. And there is nothing you can do about it. Love joins everything, without condition. It doesn't avoid the nightmare. It looks forward to it, and then inquires. There is no way to join, except to get free of your belief that you want something from your partner. That's true joining. It's like "Bingo! You just won the lottery."

If I want something from the partner, I simply ask. If he says no and I have a problem with that, I need to take a look at my thinking. Because I already have everything. We all do. That's how I can sit here so comfortably. I don't want anything from you that you don't want to give. I don't even want your freedom if you don't. I don't even want your peace.

Love wouldn't deny a breath. It wouldn't deny a grain of sand, or a speck of dust. It is totally in love with itself, and it delights and acknowledging itself through it's own presence, in every way without limit. It embraces all. Everything from the murderer and the rapist, to the saint, to the dog and cat, tree, and sky. Love is so vast within itself that will burn you up. It's so vast that there is nothing you can do with it. All you can do is be it.

Thinking you need someone's love is very stressful. When you don't have it, you suffer. And when you do have it, you want more of it. Or you're afraid that you lose it. When you believe your stressful thoughts, you suffer. But when you question them, you don't suffer. You realize that you don't need the love of anyone in particular because you can feel love all the time, with or without another person. That is the awareness of love itself. You can't lose love itself. You can only lose the awareness of it.

When we question our stressful thoughts about love, we can begin to find true fulfillment. It doesn't take two people to have happy marriage. It only takes one. Seeking approval is one of the main ways that people lose the awareness of it. Seeking is always stressful. It puts your happiness in other people's hands.

─ 《Your Inner Awakening》Byron Katie

假性孤兒

很早我就知道家不是自己的歸屬之地。
但仍對它有所期待，想透過各種方法扭轉、改變，而安住其中。
這只表示我依然沒有接受家人們的現狀，
唯一的解決之道，就是超越角色的期待來看他們。

若他們只是和所有人一樣，都是情感缺失者、人類兒童、信仰者？
我依然渴望他們的認同、信任他們的判斷、相信他們的信念嗎？
God... this is hopeless.

況且，我也沒有能耐控制其他人要相信什麼。
他們相信了自己腦中的故事，並投射焦慮給我，
不代表那是真實的，也不代表我需要為那些故事負責。
「我害他們擔心、不快樂，我有罪」
終究我只能檢視自己的故事及看待他們的眼光，並為此負責。

我曾經看見他們的恐懼，因而能放下攻擊，
但從未看見他們的信念及背後的故事，那也是我可以放下的。
因為對他們的忠誠，我至今仍不願退演這部劇本，
彷彿打破協議就等於背叛、等於不愛。
但事到如今，也只有這一個方式才能讓大家同時解套了。