【肯恩影片】我這麼做都是小我害的！

【我這麼做都是小我害的！】

The ego made me do it!

今天早上我們要談的是：「我這麼做都是小我害的」(the ego made me do it)，當然這個句子是由大家所熟知的句子「我這麼做都是魔鬼害的」(the devil made me do it) 而來。某些人可能很常開玩笑地這樣說，然而這卻是一種規避責任的說法。奇蹟課程中其中一個關鍵課題就是：我們應當對自己的每一項所思、所感、所言、所行負責。雖然世界可能侵害和影響我們的身體，決定它的行為，然而最終一切的源頭仍是心靈，因為身體並不在心靈之外，而世界也不可能在想出它來的思想體系以外。

This morning we are going to talk about "the ego made me do it". It is of course a phrase more well-known as "the devil made me do it". Some people may use it facetiously very often. It's used as a way of avoiding responsibility. And one of the key themes in A Course in Miracles, is that we are responsible for every single thing we think, feel, say and do. While the world might certainly impinge on our bodies and affect our bodies, determine how our bodies act, in the end, this is the mind that is the source of everything, because there is no body outside of the mind, and there is no world outside of the thought system that thought it up.

課程學員經常訴諸於「我這麼做都是小我害的」這句話，例如「我不知道它為什麼發生了，我不知道我為何感到如此沮喪，也不瞭解自己為何總如此生氣.....都是我的小我害我的！」這句話還有另一個變化形，例如到基金會參與我們關於「抉擇者」討論的人，就說「我這麼做都是抉擇者害的」。換言之，「我不只是魔鬼或小我的受害者，現在我還是抉擇者手下的受害者」，事實上抉擇者也只是「小我」的另一個迂迴說法而已，同樣是以一種相當幽微的方式企圖逃避我們心靈力量應擔負的選擇責任。小我之所以可以驅使我這麼做，是因為我那做出抉擇的心靈選擇了小我，而我們就成為了小我。我們就是那小我，因為小我並不是一種獨立個體。

So the idea that the ego made me do it, which very often Course students will resort to it when "I don't know how this happened, I don't know why I'm feeling so depressed, I don't know why I always get so angry....my ego made me do it!" A variation of this of course, especially of you who come to the foundation where we speak about the decision-maker are, as it's "my decision maker made me do it". In other words, "I'm not only the victim of the devil, or the ego. I'm now a victim of the decision maker", which seems to be only more sophisticated version of ego, very subtly attempt to try to get us avoid all responsibility for our power of mind to choose. The ego can make me do it, because while my decision-making self, our decision-making mind chooses the ego, we become the ego. We are the ones who are the ego. The ego is not a separate entity.

在正文前面部分有一個段落，耶穌就特別提出了這點，而且祂幾乎是向我們這些學員致歉，由於祂談論小我的方式，感覺像是在談論一個獨立於我們的東西 (註)。在提及聖靈時也是一樣，這是為了達到教學目的，協助我們能認出自己就是那做抉擇的心靈，而抉擇的力量就在兩個思想體系之間：不是根基於分裂、攻擊和判斷的小我體系，就是根基於修正、寬恕、治癒的聖靈體系。這就是我們的抉擇，中間沒有任何其他選項。在正文 30 章開頭的段落說得非常清楚，我們總得做選擇，而我們只能選擇聖靈或小我之一，沒有其他可能性。我們必須選擇，而這就是我們所有的選項。

(註：「我在談論小我時，好似在說一個獨立自主之物。我必須如此，才能說服你切莫對它掉以輕心，我必須讓你意識到，你的想法如何受制於小我。(T-4 VI. 1:3-4)」)

There is a passage early on the text, which Jesus actually specifically refers to this, and he kind of virtually apologizes to us the students, for talking about the ego as if we are separate things acting on its own (T-4 VI. 1:3). And he does this, just as it does the exact thing with the holy spirit, for pedagogical purposes as the way of helping us to recognize that we are our decision-making mind, and the power of decision rests between two thought systems: the ego's system of separation, attack and judgement, and the holy spirit's thought system of correction, forgiveness and healing. And that is the choice. There is no other alternatives to choose between. The section about the decision at the beginning of the Chapter 30 in the text makes it very very clear. We always have to choose, and we can only choose between the ego and the holy spirit. And there is no other possibility. We have to choose, and these are all the things we can choose.

因此，談論小我和聖靈時，好似把它們當成獨立個體，彷彿聖靈是另一個人一樣，這可以讓我們更容易感受自己在兩種思想體系間做抉擇的力量。然而這樣總有風險，這也是耶穌表達歉意的原因，因為這種說法也可能遭到錯用，又讓我們認為「這麼做都是小我害的」，好似我們不是自己的小我，好似有某種外在的力量佔據了我──這種說法近似於幾世紀以來基督徒所說的「我這麼做都是魔鬼害的」或者「這不是我的錯，因為我沉睡了而是魔鬼驅使我這麼做的；一切的發生不是我的錯，是魔鬼出於嫉妒我們和上主或耶穌的關係而做；我只是某種超乎我掌控之力量的受害者」。從內涵的觀點而言，這與課程學員所說「我這麼做都是小我害的」，幾乎是如出一轍。

So speaking about the ego and the holy spirit, as if they are separate entities, in the case the holy spirit is a separate person, makes it easier to kind of get in touch with the fact that we really have the power to choose between these two thoughts. But there is always a danger, which is why Jesus makes an apology, because it can lend itself, once again trying to think "the ego made me do it", as if I'm not my ego, as if some kind of alien power took over from me - no different than from how Christians was talking about for centuries: "the devil made me do it", or "it's not my fault. I slept and the devil pushed me. It's not my fault that this happened, it's the devil doing it. The devil is jealous of our relationship with God or Jesus, and somehow I'm the victim of a power beyond my control." And from the point of view of content, this is not different when Course students say "ego made me do it".

由於在我們的心靈以外，並沒有其他力量可左右我們的選擇，因此這裡的重點應該是如何接受「我們必須完全為自己的感受與想法負責」的事實。當然對學員來說，這是課程中相當困難的部分，因為這就解釋了我們為何應該對自己的感受負起完全責任。我們再也不能以任何合理化的心態聲稱世界在自己之外，而且我們是它的受害者。我們便瞭解了練習手冊中所說的：「我不是眼前世界的受害者 (M-31)。」

So the point of doing all this is really how does it accept the fact that we are totally responsible for everything we feel, everything we think? There is no power outside of our mind, that can determine what we choose. And of course this is a part of the Course that is particularly difficult for students, because it does explain total responsibility on our feeling. We can no longer claim with any sense of justification that we are the victims of the world outside of us. So we are knowing as the workbook says: "I am not a victim of the world I see (M-31)".

這就是獲得救贖的核心重點，如第 27 章所說，你所做的一切都是對自己所做的。這是我們所做的抉擇。我無須向這世界的小我負責，也無須向你的小我對我或其他人所做的事負責，但我卻完完全全必須對我回應你的方式負責。正文中的句子「我應對我所看見的一切負責。(T-21 II. 2:3)」，並非要我對我眼前所見的一切負起責任，而是要對我所看待它的方式負責。我的心靈要我的頭腦對所接收到的資料詮釋意義，而我必須對心靈所選擇的方式負責。

The secret of salvation is but this as in Chapter 27 says, that you are doing this to yourself. We are doing this. It's our decision. I'm not responsible for the egos of the world; I'm not responsible for what your ego does to me or those people I identify with. But I'm totally responsible for how I respond to you. So that line in the text that "I'm responsible for what I see (T-21 II. 2:3)" does not make me responsible for what my eyes literally see. I'm responsible for the way I see it. I'm responsible for the way my mind tells my brain to interpret the sense of data that we are being input with.

「我應對我所看見的一切負責」的意思是，世界在我眼中究竟是充滿敵意、既邪惡又墮落，或者是因呼求我的寬恕而來？而我所看這世界的眼光，直接來自於我所選擇認同的思想體系，意即我所選擇來指引自己的教師。因此，我這麼做絕不可能「都是小我害的」，永遠是我們那做抉擇的心靈，也就是我們自己。在我們那做抉擇的心靈所選擇做出的夢境中，我們就是那抉擇的心靈，而它只會選擇自己所願相信的：分裂的思想體系與由此而生的世界，抑或是幫助我們從夢中醒覺並重返天鄉的寬恕思想體系。

"I'm responsible for what I see", meaning do I see the world as hostile, and evil, and vicious, or do I see the world that is called it up for forgiveness. And the way I see the world will directly come from the thought system I choose to identify with, which means the teacher I choose to make my guide. So it's never "the ego made me do it", it's always my decision-making mind, that is who I am. Within the dream we are decision-making mind, as what my decision-making mind chose, and it chooses what it wants to believe in: the thought system of separation and the world that arises from it, or the thought system of forgiveness that helps us awaken from this dream and return home.