【肯恩影片】 觀看小我

【觀看小我】

"Looking at the ego" 

A major thing with the Course, in fact, is the kernel of forgiveness, is that we look at the ego, and we look at the ego without judging it. That's why I want to talk about the potential for that concept to be to a two-edged sword. I'm meaning while on the one hand, it really is the way of getting past the ego - that's the major, major thing of the Course, and have Jesus's teaching to us and his guidance to us. On the other hand, one can fall in a trap of becoming so enamored of the ego, that one just keeps looking, and looking, and looking, and never letting it go.

課程中一個很重要的主題，就是寬恕的核心意義，意即看著小我而不加以判斷。這個概念宛如雙面刃般，具有潛在的危險，也是我今天想談談這個主題的原因。它一方面的確是讓我們穿越小我的途徑──這是課程中極為重要的部分，並且一路上有耶穌的教導和指引伴隨我們同行。另一方面，我們也可能因為持續地注視、不停地注視小我，而無法抽離，導致受其魅惑而跌入難以自拔的陷阱當中。

I remember when we were in Roskow, when we have our conference center in Roskow, which was on a lovely lake. And I used an example once in the class, because the conference overlooked the lake. And I said as if we jump into the water and our goal is to get to the other side, which is ultimately the real world, and forgiveness being one process to swim across the lake. The lake being the image of the ego's thought system, and again forgiveness helps us get through it. But the danger is that when one jumps into the water and begins to kind of go down in the water to the bottom of the lake, one can be so enamored of the underwater life, the foam and the different fish, etc., that one forgets that the goal is to get to the other side. And that's the danger of looking at the ego.

我還記得我們在德國羅斯科 (Roskow) 的會議，會議中心就在一座美麗的湖上。由於在那會議上我們可以鳥瞰整片湖泊，因此我在課堂上曾舉過一個例子：假設我們縱身跳進水裡，目標是抵達象徵著真實之境的對岸，而寬恕就是我們橫越湖泊游到對岸的過程。這座湖的意象代表著小我的思想體系，而寬恕則是讓我們抵達對岸的方式。然而我們可能會遇到一個危機，在跳入水中之後，就不知不覺地游向水深之處，直往湖底游去。水底的世界，無論是泡沫也好，或是各式各樣的魚群等等，都可能讓我們深深著迷，而遺忘了自己的目標是對面的岸上。這就是觀看小我可能的危險之處。

What we forget so often is no matter how horrific the ego's thought system is, and nonetheless, it is our thought system. It's a thought system not only that we have embraced by believing it, it's the thought system we have identified with. So in fact, as the story of Narcissus in the famous Greek myth, we look at our image in the water, and we don't take our eyes off it. And we end up starving to death, because we don't want to do anything but just look at this wonderful image of ourselves in the water, not thinking it first it's ourselves.

無論小我的思想體系多麼驚悚恐怖，我們仍舊如此健忘，然而那終究都是我們的思想體系。藉著相信這個思想體系，我們不只欣然擁抱了它，還深深與之認同。因此，正如同著名希臘神話中的美少年納西瑟斯 (Narcissus) 一般，我們便這麼看著自己在水中的倒影，而難以將目光抽離。由於除了盯著水中自己那美妙的身影之外什麼也不想做，最後將因此餓死，甚至從未意識到那身影其實是我們自己。

In the senses that we often do with the ego, we become intrigued by the ego. And we become intrigued by the complexity, the subtlety, the different ways that the ego works, and indeed the different ways that the ego seems to satisfy our needs through our special love relationships, indeed for our special hate relationships as well. Since we all love to hate and to judge, that we forget the purpose is to look at these and declare their lack of reality, their fundamental lack of existence. And instead, by constantly looking, we can end up making them real.

當我們經常和小我一起判斷，就會逐漸被它吸引，為小我那複雜、微妙與充滿歧異的作用方式而著迷。小我的確看似透過愛的特殊關係──當然也透過恨的特殊關係──而滿足了我們的需求。我們是多麼喜愛憎恨與判斷，因而遺忘了自己的目的原是看著它們而昭告其虛幻性、宣告它們根本就不存在，反而卻因不斷地觀看而將它們信以為真。

What helps us not fall into that trap is to continue hear Jesus say to us: not only that the ego is X, Y and Z, and I want you to really understand why we choose X, Y and Z, but to recognize the cost to us when we choose the ego's X, Y and Z. It's the thought system of separation, specialness, and judgement - and also pain, suffering and death. That the reason for is that we are afraid of disappearing into the heart of God. We are afraid of losing this special, individual, unique self that we called by our own name.

若要避免掉入那陷阱之中，就必須持續傾聽耶穌對我們所說的：我希望你們不只要瞭解小我是「這」和「那」，且真正明白自己為何選擇了「這」和「那」；同時還要認清當我們選擇了「這」和「那」的同時，自己付出的代價究竟是什麼。這不只是分裂、特殊性和判斷的思想體系，同時也是痛苦、折磨和死亡的思想體系。原來，我們恐懼的是最終將消融於上主心中，我們害怕的是失落那以我們的名字所稱呼的特殊、獨立而唯一的自己。

And so it's not only looking at the ego with Jesus that is important, it's also recognizing the cost to us of remaining with the ego. This will help then overturn what the ego is trying to have us do, to become so enamored of it that we never let it go. Jesus's wanting us to recognize that what we want to do is to look at the ego, and once again realized the cost to us of still remaining in the ego.

因此，與耶穌一起觀看小我不僅相當重要，還能讓我們認出和小我沆瀣一氣而付出的代價。如此便有助於逆轉小我企圖引誘我們去做的事，也就是為它迷亂而不願放手。耶穌希望我們認出，自己真正所願的即是看著小我，而同時明瞭若繼續和它一個鼻孔出氣，必須付出什麼代價。

So yes, we do want to look at the ego, we do want to understand the purpose that the ego has served in our lives by maintaining and preserving our special identity, but we also want to be in touch with what it is costing us. Nothing in this world can make us happy. Nothing in this world can truly ease the pain of feeling alone, alienated in an unkind hostile world. Nothing in this world can give us the peace of God. Nothing of the ego's thought system would ever give us what we truly want. And it's recognizing that and our looking at that with Jesus right beside us, that we realize that "I don't want to keep swimming in this water. I want to get to the other side. I don't want to keep diving deeper and deeper into the ego's thought system."

沒錯，我們的確要觀看小我，的確要瞭解小我在我們生命中的目的，意即維繫與保護我們的特殊身份；但我們也必須意識到自己因此而犧牲了什麼。這裡的一切都無法讓我們幸福，無法真正安撫我們身處於一個無情而充滿敵意的世界中、那既孤獨又疏離的痛楚。這世界不可能給我們上主的平安，因為在小我的思想體系中，我們無法得到自己所真正渴望的。在耶穌的陪同觀看下認識到這一點，我們便會體悟到：「我再也不想繼續在這水中瞎攪和了，對岸才是我真正想去的地方。我並不想在這小我的思想體系中愈潛愈深。」

In fact, we are cautioned in one passage that Jesus subtly described a Freud's thought system, because Freud was brilliant in describing the intricacies of the ego's thought system, that he called something else, but all the different ways that the ego's thought system works in the unconscious and burrow its way up into our conscious awareness. And in the text, Jesus is telling us: "You don't have to do this. You don't have to look to all the complexity of the ego's thought system. We simply look at it, recognize the purpose that it serves, and say: I don't want this anymore." But we cannot say that, unless we compare choosing to remain in the water and exploring all this vast and fascinating underwater life, contrasting how wonderful it will feel to continue to swim across and get to the other side. And when we get to the other side, we realize that there is no lake to even swim across. There was no water; there was no underwater life. The whole thing was just a silly charade (易識破的偽裝), also a fantasy that never happened.

事實上，耶穌曾在某個段落中提醒我們這件事，而祂略為敘述了佛洛伊德的思想體系。雖然佛洛伊德使用的是不同的名稱，但他將小我思想體系的錯綜複雜描繪得絲絲入扣，包括它是如何隱伏在潛意識之中，又是如何冒出我們的意識覺察層面等各式各樣的運作方式。在正文中，耶穌告訴我們：「你無須這麼做，無須去深入觀看小我思想體系錯綜複雜的一切。我們只要看著它，認出它的目的，然後說：『我再也不想要這個了。』」然而，若我們不對「留在水中探索廣大而令人目不暇給的水底世界」以及「繼續向前游至對岸所帶來的快樂美好」兩相比較，就不可能說出這句話。抵達對岸時，我們會發現原來根本沒有一片需要去橫越的湖泊，因為水根本就不存在，當然也就沒有水底世界。整件事只是個癡傻的幌子，也是個未曾發生過的幻覺。

So finally again, in order to attain our ultimate goal of the real world, is to look at the ego's thought system, realize the cost to us ever happened is peace, and then say "this is no longer what I wish."

總而言之，若我們想要到達真實之境的目的地，就必須看著小我的思想體系，瞭解到自己所為此犧牲的就是平安，然後便能說出：「這再也不是我心所願」。